So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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