you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
