Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
