it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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