I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
