3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
