i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
