I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Congratulations! We have a period
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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