...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
