of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
