Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I checked into jail on foursquare
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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