worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
