Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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