So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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