so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
