I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
