chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
