also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We talked him into tasing himself.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
