the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
