and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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