So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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