Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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