wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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