I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
