This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
