I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
