girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
