He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
