Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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