I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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