Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
