there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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