We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
