his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Holy shit dude........stairs
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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