I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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