dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
