If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
well you can't waste a boner
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You made out with two different species that night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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