I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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