I think i sorta joined a cult last night
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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