oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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