24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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