she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
