I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
