We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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