Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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