It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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