I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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