youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
