that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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