i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
