he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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