woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
